Is it love, or is it fraud?

February 10, 2025 - Dr. Tom Holt

Dr. Tom Holt is a Professor in the School of Criminal Justice and Director of the MSU Center for Cybercrime Investigation & Training. In this op-ed, he discusses Romance Fraud and how to avoid falling victim.

 

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, romance and relationships are front and center in many people's minds. This is also true for fraudsters, but they aren’t looking for love, they are looking to scam people actively seeking a partner on social media or dating apps.

Romance Fraud is one of the most common fraud types and centers around the fraudster building a fake emotional relationship with their victim that they can leverage to get money from their victim over time.

There are many ways fraudsters use to draw their victims in. A common tactic is claiming they are in the military or work remote jobs that keep them from connecting in person. Some also present themselves as models or influencers – even going as far as using stolen images from others' social media feeds to present themselves as attractive potential partners to victims. These schemes generally begin on social media platforms, though a small proportion begin on apps like WhatsApp or over text.

Once a fraudster connects with a potential victim, they will try to find common interests to build rapport with them as quickly as possible and create a perceived intense connection. Then, the fraudster will typically tell the victim they have experienced an economic hardship of some kind, such as a medical emergency, a business shortfall, an inability to travel to see the victim, or some other issue that they cannot pay for. The victim is then asked to provide them with funds, usually a small amount at first, to help the fraudster out of the situation.

If the victim sends money, the fraudster escalates the requests further, asking for more money more often to help resolve the problem. If the victim starts to question the situation, the fraudster will leverage the perceived emotional connection between them to continue to receive funds. Research shows that romance fraudsters utilize linguistic tactics similar to that of domestic abusers in intimate partner violence situations in order to increase compliance with their demands.

Eventually, the victim either becomes aware that they have been defrauded, or runs out of money to provide to the fraudster. At that point, the fraudster pulls away completely from the victim, leaving the victim heartbroken and economically depleted. Victims are often ashamed, embarrassed, and may be unwilling to seek help from police. Those who do contact police may feel further shamed by the nature of the questions asked about their experience, which may decrease their odds of reporting to any other helping agency.

 

Much of what is known about romance fraud tells us that many victims are middle-aged or older (somewhere between 50s-60s). However, anyone can be a victim of romance fraud, as evident in the documentary the Tinder Swindler, whose victims were all relatively young women.

Victims of romance fraud also lose quite a lot of money, with the United States (US) average being around $4,400 in 2023 according to the Federal Trade Commission. When viewed in the aggregate, US victims reported a total of $1.3 billion in losses in 2023, and the global loss figures suggest this is a multi-billion dollar form of crime. Tracking down the fraudsters is incredibly difficult as many of them request to be paid via cryptocurrency, but some seek wire transfers or gift cards.

 

Some tips to help people avoid falling victim to Romance Fraud.

• Pay attention to the images and pictures the person you are talking with online is using. Potential victims can use Google Reverse Image Search to see if the images used are actually someone else's photos and videos.
• If the person you are speaking with online starts rushing into romantic or emotional language, it should be a red flag. The fraudster may be trying to create a perceived intense emotional connection.
• If the person you are speaking with online is, for some reason, unable to ever talk to you via video chat (showing their face and voice at the same time) that should be considered a serious red flag.
• Finally, if someone is trying to get you to help them with an investment in cryptocurrency or receive packages for them, know that it is certainly a scam.

 

At the end of the day, it is important to talk to trusted loved ones and family. As you describe the relationship to them, pay attention to their reactions. If they think it is too good to be true, it may be.